Too Late
by fleeting fancy
Summary: One-shot. Written from a prompt on livejournal...."Ryan's girlfriend gets pregnant and has an abortion without telling him". I chose to alter the Theresa pregnancy storyline to fit this.


**A/N: Created from a prompt at livejournal. _Ryan's girlfriend gets pregnant and has an abortion without telling him. _**

Ryan wove through traffic chanting to himself, _please don't let me be too late...please don't let me be too late._How could she not tell him? Why wouldn't she tell him?

He screeched into the parking lot and threw the car into park and reached for the handle on his door but stopped cold. He was too late. Eddie said it was too late. He told him the deed was probably already done but he didn't believe him. He couldn't believe him, but Eddie was right. He was too late. Theresa was already being led out of the building. Even from where he was sitting he could see how pale she was and the redness in her eyes, but what left him cold was who was with her. Kirsten. A familiar car pulled up and he felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Sandy. Sandy was driving. What the hell was going on? He felt sick as he watched Kirsten help Theresa into the car and they all drove away. He pulled out his cell phone and was about to press Seth's name but a sudden thought stopped him. What if Seth knew, too? What if everyone had been lying to him?

He barked out a bitter laugh. Everyone but Eddie. Who would have thought? Of course, Eddie spit the truth at him to hurt him. Ryan had gone to check on Theresa. She'd been avoiding him and ignoring his calls. She'd told him it was over. He didn't understand it but he accepted it. When he got to her house her mom told him she hadn't been home all day. He knew she wasn't working because he called and they told him she'd taken a few days off. Her mom didn't seem to know anything about that but he kept it to himself. Theresa must have her reasons but it was raising all kinds of alarms. He knew she needed the money and wouldn't turn down work unless something was wrong. So he'd gone to Eddie and they'd gotten into it over her yet again. Ryan could tell he knew and they'd nearly come to blows when Eddie finally told him the truth.

When Theresa had gotten pregnant, she panicked. She hadn't wanted to come between Ryan and the Cohens. Hadn't wanted to ruin his chance at something better. So she went to Eddie and confided in him. He'd tried to tell her that he wanted to marry her and it didn't matter if the kid wasn't his but Theresa said no. She wasn't ready to be a parent and she knew that Eddie wasn't either. She thought of having the baby but Ryan would find out and he'd know it was his. He'd want to keep it. She knew he'd give up everything for it. She decided to have an abortion but knew her mother would be against it and would probably kick her out for even thinking it. She needed help. Help paying for it and someplace to stay for a few days after so she could pull herself together. Eddie wanted to help. She knew he loved her and would do anything for her but she needed to do this away from Chino. So she'd taken a leap and called Mr. Cohen. She knew how much he wanted for Ryan and she only hoped that he'd understand her reasons for not wanting him to know.

Sandy did understand her reasons. A part of him knew Ryan had a right to know but he knew Ryan and he, selfishly, didn't want to risk losing him. He didn't want to risk Ryan being able to talk Theresa into keeping the baby, but he did want Theresa to be absolutely sure so he asked her to talk to Kirsten before making a final decision. Kirsten had confided to him that she had gotten pregnant and had an abortion before she met him, back when she was dating Jimmy. He'd found her crying one night after she'd gotten pregnant with Seth, rubbing her swollen belly. She'd broken down and cried in his arms at the thought of the child she'd chosen not to have. So he'd called Kirsten and had her come to his office and then left them alone to talk. When he'd returned both had looked like they'd been through the ringer but Teresa held firm in her decision. She was young. She could have other children. She'd argued that if Kirsten had had her first child she may never have met Sandy and had the life she had now. She felt this was the right decision for her, and for Ryan.

Arrangements made, it was decided that Sandy would drive Theresa and Kirsten and would pick them up when it was over and take Theresa to a hotel they'd put her up in. Kirsten would stay with her to make sure she was all right both physically and mentally. They'd told Ryan and Seth that Kirsten was going to be out of town for Newport Group business for the weekend. Sandy had felt guilty keeping it from Ryan but as far as Ryan knew things were over between him and Theresa. She'd gone back to Chino and back to Eddie and once this was done he'd need never know. He felt his knowing would only cause him pain.

Ryan had been bewildered by the sudden about face Theresa did but she'd always been fickle. He was hurt but he wasn't going to force her to stay in Newport if she wasn't comfortable. He thought he would be enough but apparently he wasn't.

He didn't know how long he'd sat in the car but finally turned the key and started the engine but when he was ready to pull out on the road he didn't know where to go. Going left would eventually take him back....hom...to the Cohens. He turned right.

**************************************

Ryan didn't know how long he drove but when he finally noticed that night had fallen he stopped at the first motel he saw. He needed time to think. Theresa was pregnant. With his baby....and now she's not. The Cohens knew and they helped her get rid of it. Just like his mom used to drunkenly say she'd have done with him or Trey if they'd had the money. Theresa wouldn't have had the money. He clenched his eyes closed at the thought of her going to Sandy and Kirsten for it. Not only had they given it to her, they'd taken her.

He shook his head and grabbed his phone and dialed Seth.

"Ryan? Hey, dude. Where the hell are you? Dad's got the barbecue all ready for guy's night....", Seth rambled.

"Shut up, Seth", Ryan growled. Sandy's barbecuing. They just killed his baby and Sandy's celebrating.

"Uh...ok. What's going on? What's wrong?", Seth asked.

Ryan took a breath. "Tell me you didn't know. Tell me you didn't know, Seth", Ryan pleaded.

"Ryan? I don't know what you're talking about, dude. What happened? Where are you?", Seth asked calmly but Ryan could hear the worry and confusion in his voice.

"You really don't know?", Ryan whispered.

Sandy's faint voice came into Ryan's ear. "Seth? What's going on? Is Ryan all right? Did something happen?"

Ryan's breath hitched and he hung up. He didn't want to talk to Sandy. He didn't want to hear his lying voice.

His phone rang. It was Sandy. He didn't answer. It rang again. This time it was Seth. He let it ring a few times until he finally picked up.

"Dude. Don't hang up. Tell me what's going on. Please. I can't help if I don't know what's going on", Seth said.

"I....I can't...", Ryan started. "Just...just tell Sandy I know. Tell him I know about today. I....I need some time. I'll be back in a few days", Ryan said tiredly.

"Whoa. A few days?...wait, Ryan...", Seth spluttered.

"I've gotta go, man", Ryan said and hung up.

***********************************

Two days later and a voicemail inbox full of unanswered calls, Ryan returned to the Cohens. He sat in the car for fifteen minutes before Seth finally came out and climbed in.

"Hey", Seth said quietly.

Ryan stared at the steering wheel.

"So.....shit, man. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry? I don't know what they were thinking. They don't know what they were thinking, except that they thought you'd be better of not knowing. They said..."

"Stop, Seth. Just stop. It's not for you to explain. I need to hear it from them", Ryan said. With a sigh he exited the car and walked toward the house with Seth trailing behind.

Sandy and Kirsten stood from where they were sitting on the couch and started uttering apologies but stopped when he held up his hand.

"You", he pointed at Sandy. "You tell me", he said. His voice void of emotion.

Sandy glanced at Kirsten before taking a step forward as Seth stepped out of the line of fire and remained silent.

"Don't. Just...tell me why", Ryan said as he searched Sandy's face.

"Ryan, I'm sorry. We...I...didn't want to hurt you. Theresa came to me and she'd made up her mind", Sandy started to explain.

"Did you even try to talk her out of it?", Ryan asked.

"I made sure she'd thought it through..", Sandy said.

Kirsten stepped up to join in. "He called me and asked me to talk to her. To make sure it was what she wanted. I...shared my own experience with her", she said with a look to convey the deeper meaning. "I wanted her to understand the regrets she would have. The regrets that I had.....but even after our talk she was set in her decision, Ryan."

"We thought that you would be better off not knowing. She wasn't going to change her mind and we thought that if we could spare you any pain....", Sandy said.

"Are you sure that's it?", Ryan said as he looked Sandy in the eye and asked, "Or were you afraid I would be able to change her mind?"

Sandy opened his mouth to deny it but the words died on his lips.

Ryan laughed bitterly and turned toward the fireplace. "Did you think I'd be that bad of a father?"

"What? No! No, Ryan", Sandy exclaimed.

"Ryan, honey. That's not it at all", Kirsten soothed. "We knew that if Theresa had decided to keep the baby that you'd want to take responsibility. You've been working so hard. You were doing so well in school. We didn't want you to throw that all away..."

"On some kid", Ryan sneered. "Like my mom threw away her life on me and Trey? You think I'd be like her?"

Kirsten carefully moved closer. "I think you'll be a wonderful father someday. You put everyone else above yourself and we knew you'd do the same here but, honey, you and Theresa are so young. Theresa wasn't ready and she was afraid she wouldn't be able to follow through if you knew....and we.......we didn't want you to drop out of school or give up on college. We didnt want you to give everything up just when you're turning things around."

Sandy remained at a distance but moved into Ryan's line of sight. "We don't think you'd be like Dawn or your dad, Ryan, but it would have been a struggle. We didn't want you to have to give up your future to support a family."

Ryan looked from one to the other, taking in their words, the anger building again. He shook his head and stepped around them, ready to make a break for it. "You had no right", he said softly.

Sandy reached out to place a hand on his shoulder and Ryan stepped back, eyes flashing. "YOU HAD NO RIGHT!!!", he yelled as he punched the wall. "You had no right to keep this from me! You had no right to make that decision for me!"

The action causing all three Cohens to jump.

Before anyone could respond another voice entered the fray.

"No, but I did. It was my choice, Ryan", came Theresa's voice as she entered the room. She looked at the Cohens and said, "The back door was open. I came to see if you'd heard from him." She turned back to Ryan and repeated, "It was my choice Ryan. It's my body. I'm the one who would have to carry it...I...."

"You didn't think I deserved to know?!", Ryan asked. He looked into her eyes and then let his eyes trail over to the Cohens hovering in the background. "You all just shut me out. I helped create that life and I should have....you should have....", he struggled to make them understand. He sighed in frustration. "God, Theresa. If you really didn't want it you could have told me. Yeah, I would have tried to talk you out of it but if it was really what you wanted I wouldn't have forced you...but I would have had a say. I **deserved **to have a say in what happened to a baby I helped to make. You had no right to deny me that. None of you did", he said, voice trailing off into a whisper as he walked out of the room. He kept going when he got to the kitchen and walked on out of the house and down to the beach.

He stood looking out at the water and scrubbed a hand down his face. He knew none of them had meant to hurt him but they did. He could almost understand Theresa's motivation and even Kirsten's after what she'd said. She'd been through it herself so he could understand that, as a woman who understood, she'd want to support Teresa, but Sandy....He never thought Sandy would ever lie to him about something so important.

"Hey, kid", Sandy said, keeping his distance.

Ryan closed his eyes and sighed.

"I know you wanted to be alone but I....", Sandy frowned as he tried to come up with the words. He stared out at the horizon and shook his head. "Look, Ryan. I screwed up. You're right. You had a right to know. I would have wanted to know. You were right. I thought you'd convince Theresa to keep the baby. I thought you'd have to give up everything....I...I want so much for you, Ryan. You're such a good kid and you've had to struggle so much in your life already. I didn't want you to have to struggle to raise a family before you get a chance to live your own life", he stopped. He scoffed. "Who am I kidding. I was being selfish. I didn't want to lose you. Those other things are true but that's the crux of it."

Ryan let the words wash over him. The heat of his anger waned as he listened. Sandy was afraid to lose him. That thought in itself amazed him. It warmed him.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am, Ryan. Seeing how much you're hurting by all of this and knowing I helped to cause it. It's killing me, kid."

Ryan looked over at him and softly said, "You lied to me. You would have kept lying to me if I hadn't seen you and Kirsten with Theresa at the clinic. You came home and started to barbecue for God's sake". His anger building again.

Sandy hung his head. "I felt terrible. I think I was trying too hard to pretend everything was ok. I didn't want to think about what Kirsten and I had just done." He looked up and caught Ryan's eye. Moving closer he asked, "do you think you can ever forgive me?"

Ryan turned away, feeling his eyes welling up. He let the question linger. He could see Sandy's shoulders sag as he started to turn. Before he could walk away, Ryan spoke. "My whole life I've felt like I didn't matter. What I wanted didn't matter. When my mom got drunk or mad she'd say she wished.....I guess I just wanted this kid to know that one person wanted him or her. That their life would have mattered to someone. Even if Theresa still made the same decision in the end, maybe somehow this baby would know that I would have loved it. That I fought for it."

He heard Sandy take in a shaky breath. "I'm so sorry, Ryan. I'm sorry that I didn't fight for you. I should have fought for you to have a voice."

He saw movement and felt Sandy's arms around him. If Sandy felt the resistance he didn't let on.

"You matter, Ryan. You matter so much to me and to Kirsten and Seth. So much that I let my selfishness cloud my judgment. I'm so sorry if I made you feel that you didn't. I didn't want to lose you", he said as he released Ryan and held him at arm's length and looked him in the eye. "I don't want to lose you. Please tell me that I haven't lost you."

Ryan's face crumpled and Sandy pulled him back in. This time he relaxed into it and let the tears fall and the hurt start to drain away. He didn't want to lose Sandy either.


End file.
